How to deal with a bully teammate?

How to deal with a bully teammate? What to do if your teammate is bullying you? Although most athletes come to us for mental preparation to find ways to optimize their performance, some have used our services for other reasons. The relationship with teammates or training partners is a touchy subject, but one that should be addressed occasionally.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are the target of negative comments, harassment, or intimidation by a teammate, something must be done. This unhealthy environment has the potential to spoil your enjoyment of taking part in your sport. After all, the primary reason for playing sports must always remain the same: to have fun.

The phenomenon of bullying in the sporting context is not simple. I am even tempted to say that managing this kind of conflict or adversity is a competitive sport. However, my goal with this article is not to portray bullying in sports, but to share some tips on mental preparation to help you respond better to it. I sincerely hope that my advice can serve you in the future. So, how can you deal with a bullying teammate?

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1- Put your energy in the right place

The first thing I want to clarify with you is that you need to understand where to put your energy. Never forget that you have no control over how your teammates behave with you. You can only control YOUR reaction to the situation. You can influence them, but you don't have the power to dictate their words and gestures. If you have something like "I want him to stop bullying me", "I don't want him to talk to me" or "I want him to like me" as your goal, you're wrong.

In other words, when you want to change the other or control them, you put your energy in the wrong place. You risk exhausting yourself for a result that will remain non-existent. You can't change your teammate who is mean to you, but you can influence them. And how do you influence them? By working on YOUR circle of influence, that is, you. The other strategies presented in this article will help you work on yourself. If you choose not to reply to the insults and not to be affected by your bully, you send a strong message. That is the first step to dealing with a bullying teammate.

2- Don't let this situation affect you (too much)

You may wonder if it is even possible not to be affected by the negative gestures and comments of your teammate? The answer is no. It’s impossible not to feel anything. We are humans after all. We have emotions. In other words, you have to accept that it is completely natural to feel a little down when this happens. No one likes to be rejected or insulted.

What I'm trying to explain to you here is that of course you will be somewhat affected, but you shouldn't be TOO much affected. The difference is huge.

If you are TOO much affected, you risk retaliating, launching a battle to the end, or agreeing with your bully. The stronger your reaction, the more your bully feels encouraged to continue their demolition work. So, you have to be smarter than them.

To make it clear, imagine the following situation: you are a basketball player and your teammate (bully) gives you a comment just before a throw to distract and make you angry. They tell you something like "Come on, show us how bad you are".

How to deal with a bullying teammate? What not to do:

Here's the wrong way to deal with it (TOO much affected):

You:

hear the comment
look down on your teammate
wonder if they will ever stop being mean
tell yourself that you would like to make them swallow their words
start to boil inside (your heart is beating fast!)
forget to stick to your routine before your shot
throw the ball with frustration in the heart

This frustration turned into slight muscle tension.

You make less direct contact with the ball.

Your ball ends up next to the hoop.

Result: You are not happy with your move. You let your teammate affect you. You are frustrated for the rest of the game, and you no longer have fun.

How to deal with a bully teammate? What to do:

You :

hear the comment
are NOT watching your teammate
pretend you haven't heard them

Of course, you heard it, but you don't panic

You:

Remember that you don't control it, but you have to control your reaction.
Take a deep breath to calm yourself down.
Focus on yourself by using your routine well before your shot.
Think of nothing else than throwing a good ball.
Successfully throw the ball into the hoop.*

Without saying a word, you pick up your ball and get ready for your next throw (optional: give your teammate a little wink).

Result: You're happy with your shooting, you didn't let your teammate affect you, you sent a good message to your teammate without even saying a word, and you're enjoying your game.

*Note: The important point here is not whether you succeeded or not in your shot, but what you did and how you coped with the situation. Even if you missed your move because of your teammate's comment, you want to make sure you don't let anything show. You don't want to display frustration or discouragement. Stay mentally strong, keep your head up, and maintain positive body language. That's powerful as a way to respond!

What you can remember here is that you want to get into the habit of being above negative comments and personal attacks. It's okay to be slightly affected by them, but you must avoid being too much affected by them and above all, avoid letting it show. Tell yourself that your bullying teammate is trying to take you somewhere you don't want to go (low level of confidence, frustration, discouragement, etc.). So be smarter than him and refuse to comply with his request.

3- Remember that fear is a weak point

Another way to deal well with a hostile teammate is to understand that fear is a weak point*. If you are scared and it shows, it will probably continue. When you're scared and it shows up, you give your opponent an advantage. You should never show your fear because the one who is afraid shows his vulnerable side.

Remember that bullies feed on your fear. As seen earlier in this article, you should do your best not to show signs of inferiority or annoyance. You can experience a lot inside, but don't show it (from the outside) to your bully.

Even if you're scared and it's eating you up, try to pretend it doesn't affect you, let him think it leaves you indifferent. By pretending that you don't mind, you will develop this behavior, and little by little, it will become a habit. It will be easier and easier to manage.

*Note: Please be aware that I am not claiming that it is abnormal or incorrect to feel fear. On the contrary, we all have fears. It's perfectly fine to show fear, but to people you trust. However, when faced with a bully, you don't want to let this fear show through.

Speaking of fear, it can sometimes happen that it is he himself who has fears and who is pushing him to do so. Your bully may be afraid of your progress or your good sports performance. Therefore, he seeks to belittle you to feel better himself. This is obviously someone who has a serious lack of self-confidence. Instead of making the necessary efforts to progress, he wants to slow down the people around him. Keep in mind that this can sometimes be the case. If you realize it and see clearly in his game, make sure once again not to prove him right.

Conclusion: How to deal with a bully teammate? What not to do: you will always face adversity

In conclusion, you should know that you will always have to face adversity during your career, whether it comes from outside or inside your team. When someone is on your case or you face bullying, you now know how to deal with it better thanks to these psychological strategies, and you understand the pitfalls to avoid. If it becomes more serious or unsustainable for any reason, be sure to talk to someone you trust, such as your coach, parent, or teacher, to find other solutions. The important thing is to be able to talk about it and not keep it to yourself. With the right mental strength and the support of the right people, you can get out of this situation.

To learn more, read: https://mentalaccelerator.com/resource/keeping-your-cool/books-on-sports-psychology